i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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