My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
