Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
