we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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