My friends, they love my intelligence
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
