Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
