ya dads aren't the best wingmen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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