I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
