so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
