Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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