i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
