when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize