When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
