If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
