maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
