last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
