can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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