never play flip cup with pint glasses
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize