I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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