things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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