You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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