3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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