I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
