Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
