Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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