Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
