So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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