so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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