I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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