wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
