Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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