If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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