It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
