you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
