My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All the doctor said was why
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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