Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
