Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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