why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
