I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
