well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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