K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My bed smells like the plague
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
