yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
