i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
