Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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