I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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