The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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