She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I didn't notice because vodka
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
