textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
