Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
