it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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