He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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