im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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