i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
