mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
