also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
