Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
