Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
