Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
