I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
