my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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