She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
