I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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