i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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