i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
