last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
