Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
