So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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