Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
