if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
