I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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