Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
