just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
