wat bout pragnant strippers??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
