the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
