Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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