So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
