god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
