Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
