I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize