everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
