the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
