I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
