yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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