when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
