Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
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