I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
They took my balls.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
