the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
