Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
