Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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