i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
